Swans, Sherbet and Coathangers

Patient Oozes Green Blood

If you saw this headline in a newspaper, you'd give it a second look wouldn't you. Apparently this happened on an operating table in Vancouver, but could be explained because of the different combinations of medication the patient was taking. Still, it sounds like a fantastic X-Files moment to me!

Anyway, in other news, why the heck has Paris Hilton been released from jail? Being sick is not an excuse, so please put her back immediately. What kind of message does this action send out? She must serve her full time, and preferably a little bit more because of that dreadful album she inflicted upon us.

This weekend I'm hosting a BBQ, and it's set to be the biggest one yet. My fridge will not be able to cope with the sheer quantities of cow and pig that needs to be bought.

If you had the choice, which visitor attraction would you go to - a butterfly farm, or something called 'Shakespearience'?

Shakespearience is billed as a 'groundbreaking virtual reality experience', a 'theatrical spectacular' that uses 'the very latest developments in show technology and special effects' to bring the world of William Shakespeare and his plays to life. Let me tell you now, it's awful. Apart from being as dry as a piece of 400-year-old toast, the special effects would make a west end theatre cringe with embarrassment. The auditorium was stuffed full of parents with their children, obviously hoping for a fun yet informative bank holiday trip, but within 10 minutes the ominous shuffling of bored little feet could be heard.

The Stratford-upon-Avon butterfly farm, by contrast, is a marvel. Honestly! In essence it is a huge greenhouse full of exotic butterflies that flap around aimlessly. That's pretty much it. But it's brilliant.

If you do happen to be visiting Stratford, I really want to reccommend Nolands Farm, which is a B&B a few miles away. How can you possibly complain when this is your bed...

Good afternoon, Miss Paris Hilton.
How are you enjoying your time in Prison? Not very much, I hope. Even though you somehow have managed to get your sentence slashed, and have landed yourself in the 'celebrity' wing of your local slammer, I hope that the whole experience is going to be a proper reality check for you. Suddenly, some of you ill-advised actions have consequences. Cash can't buy your way out of every problem (I did laugh when your mother yelled out "...after all the money we paid!" to the judge in the courtroom). Your lawyer has been reported as saying that you're using the time to consier how to make a difference to the world. I think the suggestion on everyone's lips is 'go away and get a proper job!'.

Well I'm back, after a couple of weeks off from writing, and with the rather exciting news that I'm Engaged!! This is a massive deal, and very exciting. I was wondering whether I should turn the blog into a wedding diary, but have decided against it. If you do find that I am becoming unnecessarily detailed on the topics of seating plans or flower arrangements at any point, please execute me immediately. Thank you.

I am going to stick my neck out here, and say that I think the London Olympics logo is going to prove to be a good one. Yes, it has been universally panned, but I think that where it succeeds is in being memorable. You may not like it, but you certainly won't forget it.